This Journal Belongs to Jezzabel Locke
by JezzabelLocke
Summary: A young half-elf girl struggles to find her place in the world while battling her own personal demons.
1. Chapter 1

Entry 1

Mother got me this journal because she thinks it will help me. She thinks I'm making it all up. No one believes me. She's there though… I know she is. I see her all the time. Why can't anyone else see her? It's not fair. She tells me things and then when I tell someone about it to try and be helpful, it's true but they _still_ think I'm making her up. Anyway, I need to work on my handwriting. It's very messy. I think it's because the other kids make it hard to concentrate at school. They say she's just my imaginary friend, and they pick on me… sometimes they hurt me. Oh well, it's time for bed now. I'll write more tomorrow.

Entry 2

I'm not going to write the days in because I lose track easily, and it would make writing hard. I'll still keep the days together though. So one day would be under the same entry number, but separated by lots of space. Oh, I saw her again today at school. She told me that mother was going to lose her recipe book, that she put it in the desk drawer while she wasn't thinking. She walked home with me today too. She's very nice, I wish everyone could talk to her. Before we got home, she said I couldn't tell mother where her book was, but when I turned to ask her why she was gone. I wonder why she left so suddenly. She does that a lot. Anyway, when I came inside, mother was looking for her book! I thought that if I told her where it was I would get to help pick what was for dinner, so I told her that she put it in the desk drawer while she wasn't paying attention. She looked at me funny and then went to open it- and there was her book. She asked me how I knew and when I told her, she sent me to my room. She says I hid it there. Oh, mother's calling me downstairs… I better go.

I'm in trouble. Mother told father about what happened, and he's really upset. I don't see why, I didn't even hide the book! Even if I had, it's only a book. I tried telling him that the nice lady told me where it would be, and he sent me back up to my room. I don't think I'll get to eat anything tonight.

Entry 3

When I woke up today, the lady was already in my room. I usually don't get to see her until I start walking to school. Oh well, I need someone to talk to. Mother won't talk to me and father's out doing his job. He doesn't usually leave so early, but I think he's mad at me. I think mother is too. I asked the lady about it, but she wouldn't answer me. I asked her if they hated me, and she said no. I think she's lying. School was bad too. The other kids were mean to me again. They do it every day. They say I'm crazy, and that everything bad that happens to them is my fault because I try and warn them about it. I'm just trying to help them… One time, I told this one girl that she was going to forget her homework, so she should make extra sure she knows where it is. She laughed at me, but the next day, she forgot her homework. Right before she was punished, she told the teacher it was my fault. That I had stolen it from her. I tried to say it wasn't true, but no one listens to me. My punishment was extra bad… Only because it was me. He wasn't even going to really punish the other girl, just tell her to do it again tonight and turn it in tomorrow. The lady told me so. She's with me a lot more now. She hardly ever leaves. I'm glad. She's the only one who listens to me. Oh, father is calling me down for dinner.

No one said anything during dinner. Except the lady. She was there. I asked mother to set another place for her, but she just looked at me. I decided not to say anything else, because I would probably get in trouble. I was going to apologize to the lady, but she said she could read my thoughts, so I wouldn't have to say anything out loud. At least now I can talk to her without everyone hearing. I used to whisper to her, but people still heard. Anyway, I have to go to sleep.

Entry 4

She's been with me the whole day, and sometimes I hear whispers from others. She says not to listen to them, but I want to know what they're saying… She also says that when I warn people, I only make the event worse. I think I found a way around it though. If I warn them, but they don't know I'm warning them at the time, that should work. I tried it today. She told me that my mother was going to be the victim of a Kerran pickpocket in town today, so before I left for school I told her that if she isn't careful the rabbits will eat all the carrots. She looked really sad when I told her, so maybe she knows what it means. Or she will realize what it means when she sees a pickpocket. She should be home soon, so I guess I'll find out then…. There, just now… there was a whisper. I heard it. Everything went quiet, and it said, "You're in for it now!" The lady says she didn't hear it, and I shouldn't pay attention to it. Mother's home now, and she's calling me down. I think father's there too. Oh no… I'm going to be in a lot of trouble. I've been seeing the lady all my life…

The whisper was right. Mother was crying, and father was really angry. He told me to stop seeing the lady… That I was ruining everything. I told him she wasn't bad, but he didn't believe me. He hit me. It hurts really bad. Then he called me a monster, and said to go up to my room and stay there. I'm not allowed to leave unless he says I can. And the whispers are even louder. I told the lady what he said, and she said I can stop seeing her… But I can't stop hearing her, or anyone else. I asked her why and she said that my eyes were already open, and I couldn't close them. But if I really wanted, I could stop looking, and I wouldn't see her or any of the other voices. I tried, and she's gone. I can't see her. But I can hear her. And the whispers keep getting louder and louder…

Entry 5

This is day one of isolation. Father says that if I can't see anyone outside of my room, maybe the voices will go away. He still hates me. He told me so. He doesn't regret hitting me either. The only reason he isn't going to do it again is because it upsets mother, and she's more bothersome when she's upset. I never even see mother anymore… But I hear her. I hear her scream in pain when father beats her. He shouts at her that it's her fault I'm this way. Her blood poisoned me. And they aren't whispers anymore. I can hear them clearly. They tell me how they all hate me, but I could escape if I wanted. I could leave. I could show them that I'm not crazy. I just have to tell the voices that's what I want… But I'm scared. The lady says that it's not what I really want. That those voices are bad, and they only want to hurt everyone. They disagree. They say that they'll only hurt them as they hurt me. Because that's what they deserve. I told them no. I don't want to hurt them… yet.


	2. Chapter 2

Entry 6

The voices said they'll never leave me, no matter what I do. They will always be here to help. I can't close my eyes to them. I may not be looking, but they're there. I can feel them. Father took everything but this journal out of my room. He thinks I'm going to hurt myself. I wonder why he cares if I die. He hates me, after all. I guess it wouldn't look good for our family… but everyone else hates us too. I'm going to start referring to myself as I really am… More than one. Jezzabel and the voices are forever stuck together. Just us. Everyone else will abandon us… hate us.

Entry 7

Father got someone to come talk to jezzabel. He thinks it will make us better. There isn't a cure. No no no, silly man. He's funny. When he brought the woman in, she said she knew we were strange… Strange? HA HA AHA HA... No. She knows nothing about jezzabel. She thinks she does, but she doesn't. Today, we only laughed at her. She said she'd be back tomorrow when we could be more mature.

Entry 8

She asked jezzabel what the voices tell us to do. We told her that Death's shadow would fall on her if she looked deeper into his eyes. She sighed and left. We've decided to sit in the corner. It's comfortable here. Father said I couldn't stay there though. We ignored him. He said that jezzabel had to obey him because he was her father. We told him the truth. We told him that fathers do not have hateful quarrels with curious hares. He left after that.

Entry 9

Today, she didn't say anything. She just sat there and waited for us to say something. We didn't. After a while, she left and a boy came in. He tried to be nice to jezzabel. Too nice. He said how pretty she was, how he knew she wasn't bad. But we told him we weren't interested in his pheromones. The woman came back in, and she was angry. She shouted at us to tell her what the voices were saying. That she couldn't help if we didn't tell her. We told her the words would be a perilous poison. She glared at us and said that our writing needed to improve so she could read jezzabel's little book. We will do so. It is hard even for us to read.

Entry 10

It took all night, but we finally have nicer handwriting. We practiced all over the walls. A cracked symphony of jezzabel's thoughts. She approves of our new writing. She even says that if we want, we can write on the walls even more. We don't want. She brought a friend today. A healer, he says. He tried all sorts of spells on jezzabel that made her toes tingle. Nothing worked. He left, and she brought a different friend in. More healers. None of them helped. She brought all of them, she says. All the types of healers there are. Oh well. We knew nothing would happen. Besides tingly toes, of course.

Entry 11

Tick tock

Tick tock

The ticking won't stop

The ticking of the clock.


	3. Chapter 3

Entry 12

We write in funny numbers now. Sticks and stones, pretty! That's what we said. We know of poor grim's adventures. And also of Tragedy's pretty dresses. We like the red one. We are pondering inviting her to our own little party right here. The voices say they already made up the invitation, they just need a date. Jezzabel feels as though she has crossed the dark river. Wake up, sleepy dead…

Entry 13

Poor jezzabel. She is as darkness today. More healers came. This time, our fingertips were tingly. We had strange dreams. Dreams of wonderful letters. He doesn't know. Jezzabel will have her poor little heart broken. More than it already is. It is only in two pieces now. Soon to be four or five. No one dreams of jezzabel just as no one hopes for darkness. Not true darkness. Silly vampires.

Entry 14

They never cared, and they never will

They only want the day,

They only want the light.

They want me to decay

They don't like the still,

I am the black to their white.

But still as I speak this,

I am shunned and hated,

And the light takes my place.

For me they are never elated,

And they shrink from my kiss

This is always the case.

Entry 15

She said jezzabel is very talented. We hate her. She is a liar and a thief. She took our book and read it while we slept. We hate this room. We hate our family. We hate her. We hate us. We hate this town. We hate our writing. We hate this book. We hate. We hate. We hate. We hate. We hate. We hate. We hate. We hate. We hate. We hate. We hate. We hate. We hate. *it continues like this for several pages*

Entry 16

So many dead,

Innocent and young,

All stained with red,

And to each other they clung.

Grim slept like a log while the sun was up,

Then the first ray of moonlight broke the day's seam

And grim was about and up,

Waiting for the dead to scream.

Entry 17

She did it again. We aren't even writing the whole thing, and still she steals it and says it's wonderful. The next one will be tragedy's invitation if she isn't careful...

Entry 18

Hate is not strong enough to describe the way we feel for her. The way we feel for everyone here. She will be lucky if we give her the mercy of death. We want to take her captive. We want to torture her... But not until she dies. No, she's not allowed to die. We want to hear her flesh cry...

Father beat us again today. He's upset about the things we write in here. We tried to tell him we were sorry, but he didn't care. He said he hated us and nothing would change it, and then he beat us. We are bleeding now... At least our outside matches the inside now.

Entry 19

She keeps reading where she isn't wanted. She says we're dangerous, and she'll have to take our book away if we don't stop. This is all we have. We need it. We need it to write and tell tragedy which dress to wear. We talked to her today, so maybe we would have it long enough to send the invitation. It worked. She isn't going to read it tonight. She told us. We made her promise. She left, and we heard her lock the door. The door only locks from the outside now. Jezzabel's special prison cell. Aren't we lucky?

She sent him in to talk to us. We asked him why he hated us. He told us it's because jezzabel is a monster. A horrible little child. He made us cry. We do that a lot. We don't always write it down, but it's true. We asked him to love us. We told him that he was our father, so we still loved him. He only hit us that one time because he was upset, and the second time jezzabel was being bad... He threw it back in our face. He hit us really hard, over and over again. He made us bleed again. He said to make sure that we never forget... He hates us. We are the worst daughter in the world. No one loves us now, and they never will. No matter how many lies we speak, everyone will hate us. Forever and ever. Then he left. Jezzabel is alone again.

Entry 20

Hum. We must pick a dress for tragedy to wear to our party. We will let the voices out soon. We can write freely in here now because we tell her black and white lies. Hm. We can't even hear the nice lady any more... maybe she hates us too. Oh well. Black, gray, blue, or rose...

The perfect of all little black dresses,

The satin feeling of death.

It perfectly matched her midnight tresses,

And it stole away her breath.

The gray elegance of decay,

The soft glow of the moon.

It flowed like her voice in a way.

Like a cold sun at noon.

The blue sweetness of sorrow,

The salty velvet tear

It glowed with the mystery of tomorrow

And like her eyes, it causes great fear

The fountain of blood

The cascading waterfall.

It overwhelmed her like a flood

And it never failed to impress all.

Hrm. We rather like fountains...

Entry 21

We did it. The invitation has been sent. Jezzabel will let the voices out to waltz with tragedy in her red dress.

Tragedy looked them over one last time,

And smiled as she picked one.

The dress should fit the crime,

And her dark deed would soon be done.

Entry 22

The party is over. They are all gone. The screaming has stopped. They made an awfully big mess...

She looked at the scene,

The huge puddles of blood,

The room was far from clean

It truly was an overwhelming flood.

Someone will come soon. The voices told jezzabel so. They will discover the mess, and take jezzabel away from here. We are finally saved. Free from our prison. Only one more day of this room. Only, it's all red now...

For now, she returned to her bed.

She was going to another party tomorrow,

And she needed to rest her sleepy head,

Because tomorrow, she would be wearing sweet sorrow.


End file.
